Sportsmen- The joke

 

The latest massacre in Colorado has not and will not make any impression on what remains of the gun debate. We are a warlike nation of killers and we will remain that way regardless of how many psychos mow down our children.

 

I’ve been a hunter since I was a kid and as an adult I had an FFL for firearms and explosive devices for about twenty years, so I am totally familiar with guns and the gun culture. I know that trophy hunting is a huge part of it but something that neither myself, nor my family ever participated in. Our hunting was always for food. My Uncle Joe, who started me hunting had as a strict rule; don’t shoot it if you won’t eat it. I have always followed that rule and maybe as a result have never understood any acceptable reason for trophy hunting.

 

I bring this up because the other day, my wife, by mistake I’m sure, received an e-mail from some turkey who calls himself the Grissinator and hails from Valdez, AK. No I didn’t make that up, he’s obviously a Palin fan. His website logo is a collection of animal bones and the gist of his e-mail was that he was conducting a Dall Sheep hunt and one of the group had dropped out so he was looking for another bloodthirsty asshole with an extra twelve grand to replace him. I know that sounds vitriolic but as an inducement he included pictures of these beautiful animals and the proud “sportsmen” who killed them in cold blood. These large white sheep with gorgeous horns are truly magnificent animals that spend their lives climbing around on mountains and eating grass. What better reason could some pinky-dicked clown have to kill a living thing?

 

I can understand, if not agree with, why an African tribesman will kill a Rhino and cut off its horn so some Chinese fat cat can get it up. He is, after all, trying to feed his family, but these clowns are doing what they do for “sport”. What sport? Where is the sport? Sportsmanship is when two equals clash in some kind of contest. It’s why good sports, as that term has come to be defined in this country, don’t compete against those who are not in their class. Where the hell is the competition in shooting a sheep with a high-powered rifle. What have they proved, that they were able to drag their fat asses up a mountain far enough to get a shot off at a quiet, unassuming animal. There is no sport in that. You want to make a sport out of it grab hold of a hunting knife and climb the mountain to where the sheep lives and take him on. Yeah, he may use one of those impressive horns to ream your ass but that’s what makes it a sport.

 

I have a buddy who wants to hunt Kodiak bear with a bowie knife. Yes he’s certifiably insane and yes I still think it’s a bad idea to kill a bear for your own self- aggrandizement, but at least it would be a fair fight.

 

The NRA is quite fond of repeating an asinine little quote that some half-wit only half thought out. It goes: “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” That’s only half right. I have never seen a gun drag itself off its rack and shoot some guy across the room. The truth is that, people with guns kill people. Last year in this country people with guns killed 8,778 people. Obviously that’s not a high enough count to get the nuts in the NRA to pay attention.

 

Now, I call them nuts and that’s not fair because what they really are is a functioning arm of the firearms industry. You didn’t think it was really about sport did you? Guns are big business. No, guns are huge business. Guns are the kind of business that makes a greedy pig’s mouth water. The gun lobby is the strongest lobby in Washington. They don’t convince anyone of anything. They simply buy their candidates and thereby assure favorable votes in congress on anything that involves gun legislation. How else could we not have renewed the ban on semi-automatic assault rifles? These are guns designed with only one purpose. They kill people. Check out the psycho in Aurora.

 

Who does anything resembling sport with an assault rifle, except, of course, the turkeys, that like to shoot sheep. I certainly hope that shooting the sheep is the only involvement they have with them. I’m inclined to think not.