It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, when we are facing so many real problems in the world, that we actually stop and pay attention to a bunch of brain locked yahoos on a mission from Ghost Busters to save a couple of arsonists from going to jail for far too short a time.
Yeah, the Bundy’s are at it again. This time it’s Cliven’s retarded sons. They’ve loaded up with guns and ammo, probably paid for from the money Ammon Bundy scammed from the hated federal Government. I find it amazing that these turkeys hate paying taxes but don’t mind skimming what they can from the programs those taxes create.
Anyway, here they all are, occupying a now cold dark building in the outer limits of Oregon. The government has decided that they will let these clowns continue the occupation because they didn’t want the building anyhow and the brave cowboys are now trapped inside it, without light, heat or food.
If they didn’t have guns and weren’t brain dead enough to fire them, this would be a very funny act. Far funnier than anything the guys on Saturday Night Live could come up with. First there was Ammon (Kid) Bundy, fighting a small catch in his throat and wiping a brave tear from his gimlet eye, telling the tube that they were there because the Lord was not pleased with the treatment of the Hammond’s, father and son who tried to burn a good portion of the land this National Park is built on, just because they illegally slaughtered a herd of deer and figured that starting a forest fire was the best way to hide that felony. Maybe five years in the can is too much of a sentence for arson but the Hammonds should certainly have been given a much longer stretch for gross stupidity.
The best piece of comic material that has hit the airwaves in years, has also come from this living abortion of a demonstration. It’s a video selfie, provided by one Jon Ritzheimer, a member of this army that can’t shoot straight, who is either a brilliant satirist or a retarded moron. Ritzheimer does a five-minute piece where he says a tearful good by to his wife and two daughters, telling them how he hates to be away from them at Christmas but that he has promised God that he will defend the constitution. He goes on to sorrowfully play out the last act of half a dozen 1940’s WWII films where the hero writes a dying letter, reads a letter from his kid or tells the Chaplin how much he misses Mom, as he dies. It is one of the funniest pieces of work I have seen in years. It took me almost three minutes to compose myself and get off the floor after I watched it.
So the real question becomes are these guys too funny for TV or are they in some insidious way, really dangerous? Well, they are carrying guns, the same guns, I assume, that the NRA feels are necessary to keep the government from taking over the country. What, you say, running the country is why we elected the government. Sure it is, but that has just never sunk in for guys like Cliven Bundy, Jon Ritzheimer or Bundy’s, slower than normal sons.
There is, however, one thing to be said for this cadre of stupid misfits. At least they are smart enough to know one fact. If they don’t fire first, the government guys won’t either. No one wants to make these clowns into martyrs and putting a much needed hole in one of their empty heads would be the surest way to accomplish this unwanted state.
Down in Texas or wherever he lives Cliven is still grazing his cattle on government (read, your) land without paying what he owes. Sooner or later either one of his goons or some trigger-happy Parks agent will shoot someone and the media will have a field day.
Up in Oregon where the only way out of the trap they have set for themselves is a heavily guarded road, the heroes will slowly turn into hayseed shaped blocks of ice. But to an Easterner like myself who isn’t impressed by some shitkicker’s ability to shoulder a rifle, the only thing these clowns stand for is American terrorism. I know, that’s giving them a hell of a lot more credit than they deserve but these people can actually be dangerous even if they don’t know how to do it right. Ask the forest rangers who have been injured by pipe bombs left along the trails. One of these days one of these misfits is going to learn how to make the right kind of pipe bomb and he’s going to kill someone.
This column has spent some space speaking about how the foreign terrorists, deadly as they may have been, have been mostly incompetent. None have been 100% successful. Next to the Bundy’s of the world, however, they look like the greatest fighting force on the planet. Remember the famous picture from the first Bundy gathering of the guy pointing his rifle at a Federal Agent? A camera wasn’t the only thing aiming at this guy. If he had been stupid enough to fire his weapon, he would have been dead before he heard the sound of his own shot.
This is what most of the militia’s don’t understand. They are very small potatoes. They may be armed to the teeth and they may be able to impress their six-year old kids at how macho they are, but they are in no position to defend against any kind of sustained military challenge.
David Koresh and his Branch Davidians found this out in Waco in 1993. Unfortunately the lesson cost 70 men, women and children their lives, and left a stain on the FBI that it still hasn’t outlived. Unfortunately Koresh isn’t alone in this world when it comes to potential martyrs or messianic crackpots. Men like this can cause all kinds of damage so it behooves the government agencies to eliminate them before they rise to terrorist proportions. Of course they all believe that is what the government is trying to do 24/7. It gives them sustenance. It encourages them to do what the Bundy’s did on their home turf and are doing in Oregon. Of course the Bundy’s aren’t messianic, they are just small time crooks, who think they’ve found a good scam to promote their names in militia circles and to create a following among the losers who hook onto things like this.
The best strategy to handle them is probably what is happening now. Fence them in and freeze and starve them out, forcing them to surrender when they get hungry or cold enough. Of course the parks department has to be careful in case the Bundy’s decide they can break out. It’s very difficult keeping a moron alive when he’s already too stupid to breathe.